[ Can't stop him from being curious about that, really. ]
At first I wasn't really happy because the answers I got ended up being "I was just half of someone else" and really not considered anything that actually existed. I knew that's also what the Superior said but hearing it from other people hurt.
I only realized that when people kept saying I wasn't anything or someone else, that I had my answer all along:
I was who I was--a person with their own thoughts and their own heart. But by then...things had gotten dofficult and I was forced to be erased. So, I don't know if I was ever really happy figuring that out. If I'd just remained not knowing anything...maybe that'd been better. I might've been happier.
[Snake listens, and at that - forced to be erased - he finds that anger again. Just as he'd found himself, just as he'd escaped...that wasn't fair, at all. As naive as it was to expect fairness from the world, even after all he's seen, he can't help but object to the injustice of it.]
I don't know.
[He sighs, and looks toward the ceiling.]
I might've been happier. Not knowing what I found out about myself...it could've saved me a lot of trouble.
[A lot of nightmares, too.]
But...I know who I am better now. I know it doesn't matter where I came from. Just what I decide to do with the life I have.
[Which, still, is something he has to work out. Something he can work on when he's not just trying to stay alive, maybe.]
[ ...and it'd been after Roxas realized he'd been kidnapped by someone else too. But it became somehow "You can't fight fate" and that's basically been how it was his entire life - he couldn't fight against the hand that had been dealt to him.
It really hurt. ]
...Because you're still your own person, and you have a right to make your own choices to live the life you want to.
[ ...their conversation earlier is sure coming back to him now, yep. ]
What made you keep going, to have the strength to even decide that when all of those answers came at you and brought so much trouble? Was it a certain someone or...something else that happened?
[Snake thinks on it for a moment. Did he even know what brought him to this point, in the end?]
...I think it was a lot of things, and people.
[He looks over at Roxas, and then a little lower to the ground.]
I guess everything changed because I saw someone who let himself be controlled by where he came from. He was obsessed with it all, and it only ended in destruction.
[Snake pauses, the incident so fresh in his mind, though...had it even happened to him?
Well...memories were still memories, and they still meant something, regardless of origin.]
He kept telling me I was the same as him because of our genes, but I wasn't. I didn't agree with anything he was doing or what he wanted.
[He feels like he might have spoken too much, this was all confidential and personal...but Roxas had shared enough himself.]
At the same time, I met people I cared about, that I wanted to protect. They helped me find that strength to fight for what I believed in, and to carry on, even when it was hardest.
[He tilts his head back with a faint smile. Sure, the memories were painful, but they were painful because they meant something, weren't they?]
In the end...I realized all I'd done was survive, living only for myself, on my most basic needs. It wasn't until I was told I didn't have long left until I decided to live. Not just for myself, but...for something.
[ He didn't really want much. He just wanted to exist and live a decent life, but he couldn't even have that.
Roxas didn't want to assume, though his mind had been thinking that it was probably just one particular thing, but it seemed that wasn't really the case at all. It made sense - not just one moment or one person had the power to influence people or make them arrival at the decisions that they did all the time. Especially when it was something big.
Though, those words...
He kept telling me I was the same as him... they made him give pause, but he's definitely listening to the rest. ]
Sounds like he was a pushy jerk...
[ He mutters, kicking his feet a little, and then at that he wasn't told he hadn't long left to live, his expression softens. Fakes or not, Roxas believes their memories will always still be real, so their experiences to them were real too. ]
....I've been thinking about it and I think I understand that too - wanting to protect the people who I cared about, who were close to me. I couldn't before, but that's why I'm going to make sure I try my hardest this time so I can do that.
[ If for once he can save the people he loved and cared about, and maybe see a happy end to all of this, he would like that. Not just for himself...but for all of them. ]
But...even though I'm sure we definitely didn't have the same experiences, it sounds like you went through a lot too. And I think it's amazing whenever someone can move forward after things get impossibly tough. With or without the support of people by their side.
[Snake, in spite of his exterior, is a sentimental man. So, with Roxas' last comments, it's not all surprising he finds himself close to smiling.]
It's amazing, huh?
[Well, that was the wonder of it all. The ability for the spirit to persist, to keep fighting - as long as there was something to hold onto, to fight for, it wouldn't be beaten.
And then, maybe, they wouldn't have to fight at all.]
It's possible to move forward alone, but I could never have realized it by myself. [Though it had required falling into despair in order to be pulled back out, he knows he's stronger for it - that the words he heard in that time will never leave him.] ...We'll both try our hardest this time.
[And he says it, not with melancholy, but a hopeful determination.]
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13thpromise) wrote2018-12-11 11:53 am
no subject
They found you? Was that a good thing?
[ Can't stop him from being curious about that, really. ]
At first I wasn't really happy because the answers I got ended up being "I was just half of someone else" and really not considered anything that actually existed. I knew that's also what the Superior said but hearing it from other people hurt.
I only realized that when people kept saying I wasn't anything or someone else, that I had my answer all along:
I was who I was--a person with their own thoughts and their own heart. But by then...things had gotten dofficult and I was forced to be erased. So, I don't know if I was ever really happy figuring that out. If I'd just remained not knowing anything...maybe that'd been better. I might've been happier.
no subject
I don't know.
[He sighs, and looks toward the ceiling.]
I might've been happier. Not knowing what I found out about myself...it could've saved me a lot of trouble.
[A lot of nightmares, too.]
But...I know who I am better now. I know it doesn't matter where I came from. Just what I decide to do with the life I have.
[Which, still, is something he has to work out. Something he can work on when he's not just trying to stay alive, maybe.]
no subject
It really hurt. ]
...Because you're still your own person, and you have a right to make your own choices to live the life you want to.
[ ...their conversation earlier is sure coming back to him now, yep. ]
What made you keep going, to have the strength to even decide that when all of those answers came at you and brought so much trouble? Was it a certain someone or...something else that happened?
no subject
...I think it was a lot of things, and people.
[He looks over at Roxas, and then a little lower to the ground.]
I guess everything changed because I saw someone who let himself be controlled by where he came from. He was obsessed with it all, and it only ended in destruction.
[Snake pauses, the incident so fresh in his mind, though...had it even happened to him?
Well...memories were still memories, and they still meant something, regardless of origin.]
He kept telling me I was the same as him because of our genes, but I wasn't. I didn't agree with anything he was doing or what he wanted.
[He feels like he might have spoken too much, this was all confidential and personal...but Roxas had shared enough himself.]
At the same time, I met people I cared about, that I wanted to protect. They helped me find that strength to fight for what I believed in, and to carry on, even when it was hardest.
[He tilts his head back with a faint smile. Sure, the memories were painful, but they were painful because they meant something, weren't they?]
In the end...I realized all I'd done was survive, living only for myself, on my most basic needs. It wasn't until I was told I didn't have long left until I decided to live. Not just for myself, but...for something.
no subject
Roxas didn't want to assume, though his mind had been thinking that it was probably just one particular thing, but it seemed that wasn't really the case at all. It made sense - not just one moment or one person had the power to influence people or make them arrival at the decisions that they did all the time. Especially when it was something big.
Though, those words...
He kept telling me I was the same as him... they made him give pause, but he's definitely listening to the rest. ]
Sounds like he was a pushy jerk...
[ He mutters, kicking his feet a little, and then at that he wasn't told he hadn't long left to live, his expression softens. Fakes or not, Roxas believes their memories will always still be real, so their experiences to them were real too. ]
....I've been thinking about it and I think I understand that too - wanting to protect the people who I cared about, who were close to me. I couldn't before, but that's why I'm going to make sure I try my hardest this time so I can do that.
[ If for once he can save the people he loved and cared about, and maybe see a happy end to all of this, he would like that. Not just for himself...but for all of them. ]
But...even though I'm sure we definitely didn't have the same experiences, it sounds like you went through a lot too. And I think it's amazing whenever someone can move forward after things get impossibly tough. With or without the support of people by their side.
no subject
It's amazing, huh?
[Well, that was the wonder of it all. The ability for the spirit to persist, to keep fighting - as long as there was something to hold onto, to fight for, it wouldn't be beaten.
And then, maybe, they wouldn't have to fight at all.]
It's possible to move forward alone, but I could never have realized it by myself. [Though it had required falling into despair in order to be pulled back out, he knows he's stronger for it - that the words he heard in that time will never leave him.] ...We'll both try our hardest this time.
[And he says it, not with melancholy, but a hopeful determination.]
For everyone, and ourselves.