[ Roxas only looks confused at the question...yeah he doesn't seem to get it, so he'll just shake his head. ]
I don't really talk to her much.
[ Then he heads into the room and looks at the boxes, also blinking more than once, heading over to one of them to see if they'd be okay to set on. Before deciding to sit nearby one instead. ]
...I guess some of what we were speaking about yesterday. I noticed that a lot of people seemed to have experience dealing with bad organizations...or we had memories of that at least. [ Not just talking about the Foundation but their "lives" before then. ] You don't have to really say or go into detail, but I was wondering if it was the same with you?
[Snake...well, he should've been expecting a question like that. Still, he can't help but exhale a sigh as he sits himself down on the floor.]
Yeah. [Things were more complicated than 'good' and 'bad', but, so long as the shoe fit...] Can't seem to get away from them.
[He rubs the back of his neck, with a tired grunt. He thought he might've been out after what happened in Alaska, but then there was all this with The Foundation.
There's a pause, and he has an idea why he's asking.]
[ Roxas nodded. Because judging by their circumstance...these organizations seem to just literally be everywhere. It's a funny thing to think that you might be out of the woods for one reason (him being merged into Sora) but then somehow it turns out that life decides to happen to make the impossible possible. ]
Yeah. At one point I was stuck with a bad group before the whole Foundation thing happened. It was probably kind of easy to guess, wasn't it?
[ Though probably not for the reason Roxas thinks it is. ]
It was a shady group, like all the rest. They assigned everyone missions and all that, where we went out to different worlds depending on what we had to get done that day. But basically the ultimate goal was to get us to return back to normal lives and the leader of the Organization promised that if we followed along with what he said, he'd be able to do that.
But once you join, you can't leave and all of that or you'd be punished or worse.
[ ... ]
In the end, the leader - "The Superior" -- lied, of course. I'd already left awhile ago and I didn't quite figure out that he'd lied until recently.
[As Roxas talks, Snake can't help but draw parallels with his own life. Right down to the twist - seemed this place wasn't done reminding him of that man.]
Let me guess, they took you in because you had nowhere else?
[It's more rhetorical than anything. You don't wind up in a place like that when you have options.]
Yeah...back then, I had nowhere else to go and didn't know anyone or anybody who could take me in.
[ ... Definitely is an issue of being taken in when he had no one else to be there or wasn't able to really figure out anything. ]
He lied about wanting to help us. Xemnas, The Superior, wanted to use everyone in the Organization to become mindless vessels so they'd be all under the control of someone named Xehanort.
I ran away. My reasons for leaving back then were that I wanted to find some answers, and I didn't even know what Xemnas had intended for the Organization at that time. But, I didn't care, I'd just had enough of it.
[ His hands settled into his lap carefully now. ]
They gave chase, but that's probably not surprising. I guess the most important thing is...they weren't able to catch me as hard as they tried. And that's what matters, right?
I've always wanted to live a life like that. When I was on missions and saw the other kids in Twilight Town, it made me realize how much I wanted to play, and have fun like they did. Like I was ... one of them.
[ Roxas doesn't know if he'd ever go to school but playing video games in a situation that's not life or death...and well, maybe he's already fallen in love... ]
I think I did. I was looking for answers on who I was, because back then there was a lot of things I wanted to find out about myself, and no one would even tell me. That...probably sounds a little strange.
[ Can't stop him from being curious about that, really. ]
At first I wasn't really happy because the answers I got ended up being "I was just half of someone else" and really not considered anything that actually existed. I knew that's also what the Superior said but hearing it from other people hurt.
I only realized that when people kept saying I wasn't anything or someone else, that I had my answer all along:
I was who I was--a person with their own thoughts and their own heart. But by then...things had gotten dofficult and I was forced to be erased. So, I don't know if I was ever really happy figuring that out. If I'd just remained not knowing anything...maybe that'd been better. I might've been happier.
[Snake listens, and at that - forced to be erased - he finds that anger again. Just as he'd found himself, just as he'd escaped...that wasn't fair, at all. As naive as it was to expect fairness from the world, even after all he's seen, he can't help but object to the injustice of it.]
I don't know.
[He sighs, and looks toward the ceiling.]
I might've been happier. Not knowing what I found out about myself...it could've saved me a lot of trouble.
[A lot of nightmares, too.]
But...I know who I am better now. I know it doesn't matter where I came from. Just what I decide to do with the life I have.
[Which, still, is something he has to work out. Something he can work on when he's not just trying to stay alive, maybe.]
[ ...and it'd been after Roxas realized he'd been kidnapped by someone else too. But it became somehow "You can't fight fate" and that's basically been how it was his entire life - he couldn't fight against the hand that had been dealt to him.
It really hurt. ]
...Because you're still your own person, and you have a right to make your own choices to live the life you want to.
[ ...their conversation earlier is sure coming back to him now, yep. ]
What made you keep going, to have the strength to even decide that when all of those answers came at you and brought so much trouble? Was it a certain someone or...something else that happened?
[Snake thinks on it for a moment. Did he even know what brought him to this point, in the end?]
...I think it was a lot of things, and people.
[He looks over at Roxas, and then a little lower to the ground.]
I guess everything changed because I saw someone who let himself be controlled by where he came from. He was obsessed with it all, and it only ended in destruction.
[Snake pauses, the incident so fresh in his mind, though...had it even happened to him?
Well...memories were still memories, and they still meant something, regardless of origin.]
He kept telling me I was the same as him because of our genes, but I wasn't. I didn't agree with anything he was doing or what he wanted.
[He feels like he might have spoken too much, this was all confidential and personal...but Roxas had shared enough himself.]
At the same time, I met people I cared about, that I wanted to protect. They helped me find that strength to fight for what I believed in, and to carry on, even when it was hardest.
[He tilts his head back with a faint smile. Sure, the memories were painful, but they were painful because they meant something, weren't they?]
In the end...I realized all I'd done was survive, living only for myself, on my most basic needs. It wasn't until I was told I didn't have long left until I decided to live. Not just for myself, but...for something.
[ He didn't really want much. He just wanted to exist and live a decent life, but he couldn't even have that.
Roxas didn't want to assume, though his mind had been thinking that it was probably just one particular thing, but it seemed that wasn't really the case at all. It made sense - not just one moment or one person had the power to influence people or make them arrival at the decisions that they did all the time. Especially when it was something big.
Though, those words...
He kept telling me I was the same as him... they made him give pause, but he's definitely listening to the rest. ]
Sounds like he was a pushy jerk...
[ He mutters, kicking his feet a little, and then at that he wasn't told he hadn't long left to live, his expression softens. Fakes or not, Roxas believes their memories will always still be real, so their experiences to them were real too. ]
....I've been thinking about it and I think I understand that too - wanting to protect the people who I cared about, who were close to me. I couldn't before, but that's why I'm going to make sure I try my hardest this time so I can do that.
[ If for once he can save the people he loved and cared about, and maybe see a happy end to all of this, he would like that. Not just for himself...but for all of them. ]
But...even though I'm sure we definitely didn't have the same experiences, it sounds like you went through a lot too. And I think it's amazing whenever someone can move forward after things get impossibly tough. With or without the support of people by their side.
[Snake, in spite of his exterior, is a sentimental man. So, with Roxas' last comments, it's not all surprising he finds himself close to smiling.]
It's amazing, huh?
[Well, that was the wonder of it all. The ability for the spirit to persist, to keep fighting - as long as there was something to hold onto, to fight for, it wouldn't be beaten.
And then, maybe, they wouldn't have to fight at all.]
It's possible to move forward alone, but I could never have realized it by myself. [Though it had required falling into despair in order to be pulled back out, he knows he's stronger for it - that the words he heard in that time will never leave him.] ...We'll both try our hardest this time.
[And he says it, not with melancholy, but a hopeful determination.]
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13thpromise) wrote2018-12-11 11:53 am
no subject
I don't really talk to her much.
[ Then he heads into the room and looks at the boxes, also blinking more than once, heading over to one of them to see if they'd be okay to set on. Before deciding to sit nearby one instead. ]
...I guess some of what we were speaking about yesterday. I noticed that a lot of people seemed to have experience dealing with bad organizations...or we had memories of that at least. [ Not just talking about the Foundation but their "lives" before then. ] You don't have to really say or go into detail, but I was wondering if it was the same with you?
no subject
Yeah. [Things were more complicated than 'good' and 'bad', but, so long as the shoe fit...] Can't seem to get away from them.
[He rubs the back of his neck, with a tired grunt. He thought he might've been out after what happened in Alaska, but then there was all this with The Foundation.
There's a pause, and he has an idea why he's asking.]
Guess it's the same for you too, huh?
no subject
Yeah. At one point I was stuck with a bad group before the whole Foundation thing happened. It was probably kind of easy to guess, wasn't it?
[ Though probably not for the reason Roxas thinks it is. ]
no subject
You said 'again'. Kind of gave yourself away there.
[He didn't have to be a master spy to work that one out.]
What kind of group was it?
no subject
It was a shady group, like all the rest. They assigned everyone missions and all that, where we went out to different worlds depending on what we had to get done that day. But basically the ultimate goal was to get us to return back to normal lives and the leader of the Organization promised that if we followed along with what he said, he'd be able to do that.
But once you join, you can't leave and all of that or you'd be punished or worse.
[ ... ]
In the end, the leader - "The Superior" -- lied, of course. I'd already left awhile ago and I didn't quite figure out that he'd lied until recently.
no subject
Let me guess, they took you in because you had nowhere else?
[It's more rhetorical than anything. You don't wind up in a place like that when you have options.]
What did he lie about?
no subject
[ ... Definitely is an issue of being taken in when he had no one else to be there or wasn't able to really figure out anything. ]
He lied about wanting to help us. Xemnas, The Superior, wanted to use everyone in the Organization to become mindless vessels so they'd be all under the control of someone named Xehanort.
no subject
Sounds like one hell of a bastard.
[A term he might use in endearment in other contexts, but not this one.]
Turning people into puppets...what was he planning on doing with you? Building an army?
no subject
[ Solidarity in hating someone like him for sure. ]
...Yeah, actually. He was looking to build up an army so that Xehanort would have his 13 Seekers of Darkness. It's all kind of really insane.
[ Roxas grimaces at that, though. Seeing it all through the eyes of Sora was an Experience. ]
no subject
You can say that again.
[Insane, and completely predatory and cruel. Though; what could he say for the armies that recruited him when he was only a kid himself?]
How'd you get out?
[He assumes - or hopes - that he did.]
no subject
I ran away. My reasons for leaving back then were that I wanted to find some answers, and I didn't even know what Xemnas had intended for the Organization at that time. But, I didn't care, I'd just had enough of it.
[ His hands settled into his lap carefully now. ]
They gave chase, but that's probably not surprising. I guess the most important thing is...they weren't able to catch me as hard as they tried. And that's what matters, right?
no subject
Yeah. [...] You shouldn't have to be on the run forever, you know. You're still young, you've got your whole life ahead of you.
[He leans his head back a little.]
Play video games, finish school, fall in love...
[Wow he sounds old, saying that.]
Ever get your answers in the end?
no subject
[ Roxas doesn't know if he'd ever go to school but playing video games in a situation that's not life or death...and well, maybe he's already fallen in love... ]
I think I did. I was looking for answers on who I was, because back then there was a lot of things I wanted to find out about myself, and no one would even tell me. That...probably sounds a little strange.
no subject
Not to me.
[He feels he should elaborate, at least a little, to afford the statement more sincerity.]
Didn't know much about myself either. I didn't go looking for answers, though...they just found me.
[All too much and all too quickly. And, like Roxas, they'd been kept from him a long time too.]
How was it? What you found out. Were you happy with it?
no subject
They found you? Was that a good thing?
[ Can't stop him from being curious about that, really. ]
At first I wasn't really happy because the answers I got ended up being "I was just half of someone else" and really not considered anything that actually existed. I knew that's also what the Superior said but hearing it from other people hurt.
I only realized that when people kept saying I wasn't anything or someone else, that I had my answer all along:
I was who I was--a person with their own thoughts and their own heart. But by then...things had gotten dofficult and I was forced to be erased. So, I don't know if I was ever really happy figuring that out. If I'd just remained not knowing anything...maybe that'd been better. I might've been happier.
no subject
I don't know.
[He sighs, and looks toward the ceiling.]
I might've been happier. Not knowing what I found out about myself...it could've saved me a lot of trouble.
[A lot of nightmares, too.]
But...I know who I am better now. I know it doesn't matter where I came from. Just what I decide to do with the life I have.
[Which, still, is something he has to work out. Something he can work on when he's not just trying to stay alive, maybe.]
no subject
It really hurt. ]
...Because you're still your own person, and you have a right to make your own choices to live the life you want to.
[ ...their conversation earlier is sure coming back to him now, yep. ]
What made you keep going, to have the strength to even decide that when all of those answers came at you and brought so much trouble? Was it a certain someone or...something else that happened?
no subject
...I think it was a lot of things, and people.
[He looks over at Roxas, and then a little lower to the ground.]
I guess everything changed because I saw someone who let himself be controlled by where he came from. He was obsessed with it all, and it only ended in destruction.
[Snake pauses, the incident so fresh in his mind, though...had it even happened to him?
Well...memories were still memories, and they still meant something, regardless of origin.]
He kept telling me I was the same as him because of our genes, but I wasn't. I didn't agree with anything he was doing or what he wanted.
[He feels like he might have spoken too much, this was all confidential and personal...but Roxas had shared enough himself.]
At the same time, I met people I cared about, that I wanted to protect. They helped me find that strength to fight for what I believed in, and to carry on, even when it was hardest.
[He tilts his head back with a faint smile. Sure, the memories were painful, but they were painful because they meant something, weren't they?]
In the end...I realized all I'd done was survive, living only for myself, on my most basic needs. It wasn't until I was told I didn't have long left until I decided to live. Not just for myself, but...for something.
no subject
Roxas didn't want to assume, though his mind had been thinking that it was probably just one particular thing, but it seemed that wasn't really the case at all. It made sense - not just one moment or one person had the power to influence people or make them arrival at the decisions that they did all the time. Especially when it was something big.
Though, those words...
He kept telling me I was the same as him... they made him give pause, but he's definitely listening to the rest. ]
Sounds like he was a pushy jerk...
[ He mutters, kicking his feet a little, and then at that he wasn't told he hadn't long left to live, his expression softens. Fakes or not, Roxas believes their memories will always still be real, so their experiences to them were real too. ]
....I've been thinking about it and I think I understand that too - wanting to protect the people who I cared about, who were close to me. I couldn't before, but that's why I'm going to make sure I try my hardest this time so I can do that.
[ If for once he can save the people he loved and cared about, and maybe see a happy end to all of this, he would like that. Not just for himself...but for all of them. ]
But...even though I'm sure we definitely didn't have the same experiences, it sounds like you went through a lot too. And I think it's amazing whenever someone can move forward after things get impossibly tough. With or without the support of people by their side.
no subject
It's amazing, huh?
[Well, that was the wonder of it all. The ability for the spirit to persist, to keep fighting - as long as there was something to hold onto, to fight for, it wouldn't be beaten.
And then, maybe, they wouldn't have to fight at all.]
It's possible to move forward alone, but I could never have realized it by myself. [Though it had required falling into despair in order to be pulled back out, he knows he's stronger for it - that the words he heard in that time will never leave him.] ...We'll both try our hardest this time.
[And he says it, not with melancholy, but a hopeful determination.]
For everyone, and ourselves.